I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
