I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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