is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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