i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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