worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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