At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
