She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
