Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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