Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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