So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
