the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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