the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
