Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
