I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
