my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
