i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
