i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
