the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
