garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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