Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
