Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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