dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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