They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
