Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
