just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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