also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
