The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
