I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i dont even know how to be here
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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