you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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