I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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