i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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