Welp...herpes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
