i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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