bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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