so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
