yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
