We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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