She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
