I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i will never coherently bang her
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
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I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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