You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
