Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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