I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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