I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
