i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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