i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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