I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
