I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
