awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
