she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
