my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
