forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
