...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
