Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
