mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she looked like the before picture.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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