maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
