just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
