Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
