We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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