Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
