meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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