Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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