Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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