I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
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No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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