i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
