Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
