the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
