Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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