did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
