I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
