she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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